Monday, September 14, 2015

The Man Shop!

On a whim I got my haircut today at a place called The Man Shop. "Kick Ass Cuts!" they claim. "This Is Not Your Father's Barbershop!"

No wimps allowed.

You can shoot a game of pool for free while waiting, or play Foosball, or shoot some hoops, or play one of the arcade games, or watch sports on one of the huge-screen TVs. I opted to kick back in one of the comfy lounge chairs while browsing through an issue of Outdoor Life full of ads for men who apparently need ATVs and military-style semi-automatic rifles to assault deer armed with large racks.

And speaking of large racks, there are a few posters of scantily-clad women with big, um . . .hooters? Jugs? Melons?

There are also assorted T-shirts for sale, most adorned with cartoon depictions of women who all looked like Daisy Mae from Lil' Abner, accompanied with words such as, "No matter how hot she is, some guy, somewhere, is sick of putting up with her shit." Another T-shirt proclaimed, "I work my ass off to feed a million people on welfare." (I assume it was referring to the small amount of taxes used to help people in need, and not the huge amount that goes towards corporate welfare for companies whose CEOs make $40 million a year but can't pay their workers enough to keep them off food stamps. But that would be a lot to put on a T-shirt, and sounds more like something a damn libtard would say, not a man! I work my ass off to feed millionaires?)

If Donald Trump's hair is real, and if Donald Trump ever gets his hair cut, and if Donald Trump ever decided to get his hair cut in Missoula, Montana, this is where he would go. The Man Shop!

There is also a display on the wall showing the past, present and future of women. The past shows a seductive photograph of Marylin Monroe; the present shows a big-breasted woman in a Superwoman costume; the future shows an very attractive woman with a nice smile who looks . . . well, just naturally beautiful. Apparently, the future bodes well for straight men.  

The young, beautiful woman who cut my hair asked me right away if I liked football. "I loved playing it," I say, "but I don't get too into watching it." When she stopped and looked at me funny and said, "What? You don't like the Broncos?" I thought, just for a second, I was going to get banned from the Man Shop. So I attempted a quick recovery and replied, "I have a lot of respect for Peyton Manning . . . he and Tom Brady are pretty amazing." To which she replied, "Tom Brady only got where he is by cheating." I changed the subject to my hair. She asked if I wanted the gray colored out. "Hell no!" I said. "I've been coloring it for years but it's time to be a man and face reality!" She liked that. "Embrace the Gray!" she said. "Be a man! Embrace the Gray!" I replied, holding my clenched fist in the air. We got along damn good after that.

I'll tell you what, I ain't lyin' . . . I did get a freaking kick ass haircut at a helluva damn good price!

There's a sign on the front door with a drawing of a handgun that reads, "Lawful Concealed Carry Welcomed on These Premises! We Support the Second Amendment, Therefore We Support and Encourage the Carrying of Concealed Weapons."

You can also get your eyebrows waxed for $10.00.

2 comments:

  1. I was going to say that you should find another barber shop until I read your last paragraph. But before that paragraph, get rid of my AR's and enjoy large racks? Are you kidding me? I don't know which idea is more revolting. Find another shop with men cutting your hair and pictures of butch or not lesbians on the walls. Women are our equals and should never be showcased within a business as objects of lust unless men are displayed equally. No I won't be going to that "Man Shop". Please continue to write about the racks that you understand best and leave the boobs to those that understand them better. Sincerely, CCWP holder and proud to be gay in Montana.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, 'll definitely be sticking with deer and elk racks! :-)

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