"Irony Tortures My Mind" -- Dave Stalling

In response to a post today by a friend on Facebook I replied, in part: “It is difficult to keep up with stupidity at the speed of sound. Stupidity at the speed of sound! . . . There's a scientific term for it: G.O.P.”

I felt pretty clever and smug.

“Stupidity at the speed of sound!” 

It's the sort of quote that, in the future, people will use when they create and post memes (or the equivalent of what memes may be in the future) featuring a photo of me with a contemplative look with the words:

“Stupidity at the speed of sound!” – Dave Stalling

The quote would be listed, on alphabetized quote lists (under “search by writer's name”) between the names John Steinbeck and Mark Twain (if the letter “a” didn’t become before the letter “e” in the alphabet).

Or so I arrogantly thought.

I cautiously Googled it before claiming it. “Stupidity at the speed of sound!” About 9,520,000 results. (In fairness to me, I didn’t find any others with an exclamation point!) But I felt stupid.

I felt stupid!

Is that irony? Or the karma from my arrogance?

And then it hit me: Karma from arrogance is ironic!

Irony is the karma of arrogance!

Why is this so critically important? People have been fighting over the meaning of irony since God forbid Adam and Eve to eat an apple,  even though he later let his son feed the multitudes. 

Or is that hypocrisy?

See what I mean? I have searched far and wide for a good definition of irony to no avail. (I did once have the thought that a definition of irony that is unknowingly not really irony is -- in itself -- sort of ironic.) 

Or is it? 

In “Reality Bites,” Winona Ryder, applying for a newspaper job, is stumped when asked to “define irony.” Ryder replies, “Well, I can’t really define irony. . . but I know it when I see it.”

And I know a good definition of Irony when I see it -- particularly when I came up with it.  

Irony is the karma of arrogance! 

For now on when stoned people argue all night about what irony means (which, in general, are the only times people usually argue all night about what irony means), they will conclude: “Well, the best definition I have heard comes from Dave Stalling: ‘Irony is the karma of arrogance.’”

Pretty cool, huh?

It's the sort of quote that, in the future, people will use when they create and post memes (or the equivalent of what memes may be in the future) featuring a photo of me with a contemplative look accompanied by the words:

“Irony is the karma of arrogance” – Dave Stalling

Before I got too excited I cautiously Googled it. “Irony is the karma of arrogance” Nothing!  (I did find, “Irony of karma,” and “arrogance and karma,” and even “Karma, keeping your arrogance in check.” But no “Irony is the karma of arrogance!”)

So I’ve got this one! I am the Force Recon of writing.

Which may sound arrogant -- and it is -- which is ironic, considering I came up with it because I felt stupid for thinking I had come up with “Stupidity at the speed of sound.”  Ironically, it turned out to be good karma, not the bad karma of arrogance I first thought it was -- and which most arrogant people will ironically think it means.

Stoners will argue about this all night.  I have been arguing with myself about it all night. I conclude that the best definition I have heard comes from me, Dave Stalling: ‘Irony is the karma of arrogance.’” 

Which seems narcissistic. And it is.

“The toxic mix of irony, karma and arrogance ignites into narcissism!”

Yes! I am on a roll tonight.

“Give me irony or give me death!”  -- Dave Stalling
“That which does not kill us makes us stronger; which is ironic!” – Dave Stalling
“Necessity is the mother of irony!” – Dave Stalling

Okay.
Enough!
It’s getting late.

I am hungry.